Who says you need surf, or even a board? Four ways to kill time when the water’s flat.
Dunesurfing
It’s flat, a pancake of an ocean. Your adrenal gland awaits an answer. Try this. Take an old surfboard and remove the fin (or buy a tea-tray for pence at a charity shop). Climb to the peak of the highest sand dune you can find. Place the board/tray on the lip of the dune, where the Marram grass thins like the pate of a middle-aged man. Stand towards the back of the board, then inch your front foot forward until you feel the fulcrum bite.
Check for meandering dogs, rabbits or naturists. Let gravity do its thing and drop down the dune. Carve, cut or just tuck right in and let those eyes water. The scent and sight of the sea on packed powder sand = double buzz joy. Now lobby the Olympics so dunesurfing makes the 2012 Games.
Couch/rug/hearthsurfing
Lie down in front of a wood-burner in a posture of zero effort with someone you love, or at least fancy, and smoulder. Just like the logs.
Lawnsurfing
Loll on grass you haven’t had to mow. Appreciate the tiny boing-boing. Yes, grass is somehow spongier down here in the South West. It’s as though the lawn holds its breath like a wafer-thin lilo. Why schlep a big old blanket to a clifftop when nature lays out such a mattress?
Leafsurfing
Steep, now there’s a good verb. Instead of dunking a teabag in a mug and squishing it against the side in three seconds flat, use a teapot and let the leaves steep (even if they’re in a bag). The more water surrounds them, the further the flavour swims. No rush, no effort. Plus, you bag a bonus cuppa.
